The memory is still so vivid. I was in my parent’s car, and we were driving to an open house. They love looking at open houses, even just for fun. It was the day before I was to leave on a mission trip where I would be gone for 18 months. The phrase, though spoken over me for a while, burned into my mind right then. You deserve healthy love. It was a mantra, it was my lifeblood, it was something I needed to tell the world. I needed to do it, but I didn’t know how. I drew a little sketch in my notebook and left on my mission. 

The 18 months before my mission were the hardest of my life. I experienced multiple relationships that caused me immense pain and confusion. After opening up to friends and professionals, the dreadful word came out.

I was abused.

It felt disgusting. How could it be? How did I get in this situation? Why did it happen? As I’ve come to find out, it wasn’t just me. Millions of people face abuse, specifically intimate partner violence, every day. In a relationship where love and care should be expected, many are met with confusion, hurt, and sorrow. 

After experiencing these heavy feelings myself, I knew I wanted to do something. I knew I wasn’t alone. I knew that what I felt shouldn’t have to be felt by anyone. That everybody deserved to feel loved, valued, and respected.

The answer to my question of why is now simple. I did not know enough, and now I know some. Many do not know enough, and I hope I can help them know some. It is very difficult to be aware of abuse, even when it is right in front of you. Even when it is happening to you. It’s secretive, covert, and it is everywhere. 

You deserve healthy love was created to let the secret out. To show the world that intimate partner violence runs rampant and we can change it. We can change. We can fight for survivors and be their advocates. We can cultivate our own healthy relationships. We can choose to love, choose to forgive, and choose to care. Abuse is not a disgusting word, it is a disgusting action. It’s time to talk about it. It’s time to speak up and push for healthy love- because it’s what you deserve.

Kelli